Peace, Love and Joy

First of all, Merry Christmas to everyone...

In about 2 hours my holiday will officially begin. My mister is on his way to Little Rock as we speak(type)... Then its off for some last minute Christmas shopping... followed by some mad speed wrapping and off to the misters parents house.

Tomorrow: Christmas w/ the misters family... food, presents, kids, family, laughter, love....
Thursday: Christmas w/ my family in Heber, this will be the first time the mister will stay over @ my folks in the 3 years we have been together... should be interesting lol.

Here is to hoping everyone takes some time to give thanks.
Taking time to breath it all in, life at this moment is alive and i hope more than anything you are taking the time to appreciate it.

Here is to hoping everyone realizes the real meaning of this Holiday and give thanks to that as well.
Wether you are a religious person or not, please do not be so naive as to think this holiday is about presents and materialistic essence.

I do consider myself a religious person but i try everyday to make sure i do not judge those who are not, those who hold different beliefs than i do... some days i succeed and some days i do not.

Christmas means different things to different souls but to mine it is as cliche as:
Peace, Love, and Joy.

---> I find peace in being home, in eating a meal made of love. I find peace in giving back to my parents a small amount of what they have given me over the past 21 years. I find peace in knowing this is the day we celebrate our Saviors birth (even though technically i know he was not born on this day.)
---> I find love within my family and friends who care enough to take the time over this holiday to spend time with me or to even wish me a 'Merry Christmas'. I find love in the gifts my family and friends have spent their hard earned money on... an item they felt i deserved. I find love in the blessings God has blessed me with, even though i know i do not deserve any of them.
---> I find joy in the looks of my misters nephews as they open presents. I find joy in the many hugs given and received from loved ones in my life. I find joy in knowing that 'God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only begotten Son, and who so ever believes in Him shall not parish, but have eternal life.'

Here is to wishing you Peace, Love, and tons of Joy in this wonderful holiday season.
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a goodnight.

Time by no other name

Time, you are no friend of mine…
Taking precious things from me as you go…
Taking friends, taking family, taking lives…

You took the old pickup that stayed parked after grandpa died,
You took the life out of a widows eyes…

You took my great-grandmothers chicken coops, and her old front yard swing.
You took my great uncles pet raccoons and his loud barking dogs.

You took the family dinners I attended for 18 years,
And the picture window that made our living room glow.

You’ve taken the snow for 21 years, not leaving a flake.
You’ve taken my innocence, leaving only my mistakes.

You took my brother miles away, leaving not even his shadow to remain.
You took his youth, left nothing but regrets and sorrows.

You’ve taken dozens of summers and fears of August.
You’ve taken hundreds of sleepovers and several friendships.

You’ve taken uncles, aunts, grandmas, and cousins.
You’ve taken holidays, birthdays and 14 of my parents’ anniversaries.

You’ve taken backyard bomb fires and campouts.
You’ve taken at least a hundred childhood crushes and one first love.

You’ve taken my childhood neighbors floating guitar rifts and left busy highways.
You’ve taken hundreds of secrets left on the school bus and dozens of long distant phone calls.

You've taken late nights and a million laughs with my college roommates.
You've taken the first night I spent with my soul mate.

You've taken my first night away from home and the light I left on to help me sleep.
You've taken the moment when I realized I was an adult, and that home would never be the same.

You’ve taken my mothers memory of my first smile, laugh, steps, and words.
You’ve taken my fathers memory of my mandatory gymnastic meets.


Time you leave nothing in your place… but the future.
You assure nothing and leave no prevalence.

All I know is my future has high standards to meet.

The memories aren’t all good, definitely not all bad, but they are my life: and how I lived it.
They are the experiences I have to learn from, to grow from, and have come to love.

Say it ain't so/Weezer

Say it ain't so

Your drug is a heartbreaker

Say it ain't so

My love is a lifetaker

I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you
So try and be cool When I say

This way is a waterslide away from me

that takes you further every day

So be cool

Things left behind...

Following tail lights...

Yumm.. cake.

Beauty: AKA

My parents backyard

Remnants of summer.

View of the Arkansas River.

This is the one that got away: Pepper

sniff. sniff. I miss him.

** Just some stuff left over...

Somewhere within the lights..

... there is the history of us.
when looking back i always saw two lights, and I'm not sure which burned out first.

The lights used to glow flawlessly, vivid, and benevolent
but for whatever reason you have decided to cover the glow.

I always have the natural light to guide me,
and truth be told i prefer its company these days.

Who knows who holds the switch,
or who may replace the fuse...

My ego bets it wont be me, and your triteness bets it wont be you.

With winter coming and the cool air to follow,
Ill hold on to my natural light and the consuming fire...
For what comforts better than Gods natural radiance,
and the peacefulness of burning memories...

The future stings as it enters through my fingertips,
and succeeds my soul...
I have a feeling this fire holds bittersweet beginnings,
but I'm trying to not give away the ending...

This too shall pass:

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-

For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

-Helen Steiner Rice-

Words of pattern.

"..Sometimes you lie in a strange room, in a strange person's home, and you feel yourself bending out of shape. Melting, touching something hot, something that warps you in drastic and probably irreversible ways you wont get to take stock of until its too late....Is there any scarier word than "irreversible"? Its a hiss of a word, full of side effects and mutilations. Severe tire damage--- no backing up."-- Rob Sheffield 'Love is a mix tape'

Lyrics:

Wait right here
Was all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried him away

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The timings stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it ‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days
-- Joshua Radin: One of those days

So it was... and so it is..

My candle burns at both ends.
it will not last the night,
but ah my foes, and oh my friends
it gives a lovely light.
-edna st vincent millay

* I would most likey give anything for that time of peace and quiet.

A small glance into my world... (some photos I've taken)

* The gate to whatever you want it to be...

* This was the first place I ever ran away from home to...

* My dining room window.

* My two greatest loves.

* All the madness.

O' these heavy bones.

... they hold this stature of a figure.
They are the only thing that keep my feet on ground.

Just as God showed Ezekiel when He breathed life into dry bones and brought back life to those who had forsaken Him; we all have been given the chance to live again.

Why is it that as humans we have such a hard time grasping on to the belief of 'anything' religious? How have we gotten to the point where any mention of God, Jesus, or the Bible is politically incorrect?

I dont believe any person is wrong or right with what they believe, I have my opinions of what i believe is truth just as anyone else does.

But how is it that someone who does believe in God (and all that it implies) is looked down upon for holding to their faith and wanting to talk about it? How is it O.K that i pay to sit in a classroom and be taught philosophys from all over the world, but Christianity is never taught as a possibility?

I don't agree with what i call "throat pushers"; people who cram religion down your throat, and i don't agree with telling people they re going to hell because I feel like no one but God can justly say that.

I just get very frustrated at people who are so quick to say "Well i just cant believe in Christianity, I was never taught that as a child." or "It just doesn't make sense to me, I don't believe in things that cant be proven."

I just wish that people would research Christianity, and make a decision for themselves instead of letting society make it for them. If its not for you than fine, that's your decision to make...

...just don't claim to be "too open-minded" to believe in something that you re "too closed-minded" to research...

Futures made and fortunes lost...

So midterms are approaching rather too quickly i feel...

I have so much homework/studying I'm not sure where even to begin. (and yet here I am waisting time)

Sometimes i CANT WAIT to graduate college (Ive been here four years & still have about three left) but then the thought of having to get out and face the real world scares me to death. It scares me to think that all these years of sitting in a classroom and all the hours spent studying/reading/researching.. all the thousands of dollars spent on a mediocre education would leave me on the footsteps of a job making 8 bucks an hour... which is very plausible since I'm a Journalism major, ha ha.

What if i don't enjoy my job? What if i don't make enough income to support myself and have to resort to waiting tables the rest of my life? (Lord, i really hope not)

The only thing i know i want to be in this life is a mother and a good wife, the only thing I'm sure that i will be good at and succeed in is raising/having a family... I long for the day when i can hear my kids laughing and running and playing, that unblemished beautiful sound of innocence...I know it sounds old fashion and maybe a little politically incorrect but i honestly feel that mothering is the job i was put on this Earth to do...

In the end i guess it doesn't matter what job I have or how much money I can rack up in my bank account because at the end of my life I want the thing that I am most remembered for to be my children, my family, my relationship with my husband, and the memories i have given to the people i love and am surrounded by...

I want my career to by something i spend my entire life on, something that has benefits beyond any materialistic item, something that glorifies God and the beauty of this world...

I want my career to be my life.

Beautiful Inadequate Boundaries

Its everywhere around you... the pressure you feel in your head and heart. Its the feeling of losing yourself slowly to someone else's existence. Its getting lost in your world and feeling infinite within their arms. Its life in black and white. Its knowing there is more than what you can see in your narrow view.

You can feel it as the sun stings your skin on hot summer days. You can hear it running through the earth with the fall wind. You can see it flooding your world on a winters night. You can even taste it falling in the spring morning.

Its LIFE.

Its everything everyone is too blind to see, its what everyone wishes they had but subconsciously choose not to. Its mountains, its sunrises and sunsets, its flowers and fog, its rain, snow, and heat. Its the stars, the moon, even me and even you.

Its how we choose to view these things, its everything we do. Its our smiles and tears, laughter’s and fears. Its everything we grasp and the things we just fall short of. Its realizing sometimes comfort brings pain. Its realizing that love is only as developed as we let it to be.

Its everything we are, and everything we aren’t. Its our accomplishments. Its how many mountains we climb, how many rivers we swim, its how many oceans we see in a lifetime. Its music and the amazing inability not to feel the beats and melodies as they enter your life.

Its your memories of smells, sights and sounds. Its the hugs and smiles you share with the people around you. Its the kindness you show to complete strangers. Its staying up late and counting stars on the hood of your first loves car. Its the sound of your child’s feet running into your heart. Its their innocence and the fact that you choose to mold their view on this world.

Its Life. Its Us. Its Beautiful. And its Boundless