Words of pattern.

"..Sometimes you lie in a strange room, in a strange person's home, and you feel yourself bending out of shape. Melting, touching something hot, something that warps you in drastic and probably irreversible ways you wont get to take stock of until its too late....Is there any scarier word than "irreversible"? Its a hiss of a word, full of side effects and mutilations. Severe tire damage--- no backing up."-- Rob Sheffield 'Love is a mix tape'

Lyrics:

Wait right here
Was all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried him away

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The timings stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it ‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days
-- Joshua Radin: One of those days

So it was... and so it is..

My candle burns at both ends.
it will not last the night,
but ah my foes, and oh my friends
it gives a lovely light.
-edna st vincent millay

* I would most likey give anything for that time of peace and quiet.

A small glance into my world... (some photos I've taken)

* The gate to whatever you want it to be...

* This was the first place I ever ran away from home to...

* My dining room window.

* My two greatest loves.

* All the madness.

O' these heavy bones.

... they hold this stature of a figure.
They are the only thing that keep my feet on ground.

Just as God showed Ezekiel when He breathed life into dry bones and brought back life to those who had forsaken Him; we all have been given the chance to live again.

Why is it that as humans we have such a hard time grasping on to the belief of 'anything' religious? How have we gotten to the point where any mention of God, Jesus, or the Bible is politically incorrect?

I dont believe any person is wrong or right with what they believe, I have my opinions of what i believe is truth just as anyone else does.

But how is it that someone who does believe in God (and all that it implies) is looked down upon for holding to their faith and wanting to talk about it? How is it O.K that i pay to sit in a classroom and be taught philosophys from all over the world, but Christianity is never taught as a possibility?

I don't agree with what i call "throat pushers"; people who cram religion down your throat, and i don't agree with telling people they re going to hell because I feel like no one but God can justly say that.

I just get very frustrated at people who are so quick to say "Well i just cant believe in Christianity, I was never taught that as a child." or "It just doesn't make sense to me, I don't believe in things that cant be proven."

I just wish that people would research Christianity, and make a decision for themselves instead of letting society make it for them. If its not for you than fine, that's your decision to make...

...just don't claim to be "too open-minded" to believe in something that you re "too closed-minded" to research...

Futures made and fortunes lost...

So midterms are approaching rather too quickly i feel...

I have so much homework/studying I'm not sure where even to begin. (and yet here I am waisting time)

Sometimes i CANT WAIT to graduate college (Ive been here four years & still have about three left) but then the thought of having to get out and face the real world scares me to death. It scares me to think that all these years of sitting in a classroom and all the hours spent studying/reading/researching.. all the thousands of dollars spent on a mediocre education would leave me on the footsteps of a job making 8 bucks an hour... which is very plausible since I'm a Journalism major, ha ha.

What if i don't enjoy my job? What if i don't make enough income to support myself and have to resort to waiting tables the rest of my life? (Lord, i really hope not)

The only thing i know i want to be in this life is a mother and a good wife, the only thing I'm sure that i will be good at and succeed in is raising/having a family... I long for the day when i can hear my kids laughing and running and playing, that unblemished beautiful sound of innocence...I know it sounds old fashion and maybe a little politically incorrect but i honestly feel that mothering is the job i was put on this Earth to do...

In the end i guess it doesn't matter what job I have or how much money I can rack up in my bank account because at the end of my life I want the thing that I am most remembered for to be my children, my family, my relationship with my husband, and the memories i have given to the people i love and am surrounded by...

I want my career to by something i spend my entire life on, something that has benefits beyond any materialistic item, something that glorifies God and the beauty of this world...

I want my career to be my life.

Beautiful Inadequate Boundaries

Its everywhere around you... the pressure you feel in your head and heart. Its the feeling of losing yourself slowly to someone else's existence. Its getting lost in your world and feeling infinite within their arms. Its life in black and white. Its knowing there is more than what you can see in your narrow view.

You can feel it as the sun stings your skin on hot summer days. You can hear it running through the earth with the fall wind. You can see it flooding your world on a winters night. You can even taste it falling in the spring morning.

Its LIFE.

Its everything everyone is too blind to see, its what everyone wishes they had but subconsciously choose not to. Its mountains, its sunrises and sunsets, its flowers and fog, its rain, snow, and heat. Its the stars, the moon, even me and even you.

Its how we choose to view these things, its everything we do. Its our smiles and tears, laughter’s and fears. Its everything we grasp and the things we just fall short of. Its realizing sometimes comfort brings pain. Its realizing that love is only as developed as we let it to be.

Its everything we are, and everything we aren’t. Its our accomplishments. Its how many mountains we climb, how many rivers we swim, its how many oceans we see in a lifetime. Its music and the amazing inability not to feel the beats and melodies as they enter your life.

Its your memories of smells, sights and sounds. Its the hugs and smiles you share with the people around you. Its the kindness you show to complete strangers. Its staying up late and counting stars on the hood of your first loves car. Its the sound of your child’s feet running into your heart. Its their innocence and the fact that you choose to mold their view on this world.

Its Life. Its Us. Its Beautiful. And its Boundless