Happiness is a warm... glass of hot chocolate.

Finals are OVER!!!!..... and I made it through alive!

It wasn't as bad as I had expected, just a rough couple days.

Christmas is fast approaching... and I have nothing to do between now and January 11 besides work, rest, and enjoy time with my friends and family!

Last weekend we celebrated B.Js (the mister) Christmas present by going to the Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos NFL game in Kansas City, MO. He had never been to an NFL game so I thought it was a great gift idea. We were joined by his mom and step-dad who are huge Bronco fans as well. We got into KC about 10pm Saturday night and checked into our beautiful comfy hotel (we stayed at the Holiday Inn express across the highway from Arrowhead Stadium). The hotel was adorned with towering Christmas trees and window treatments. We were welcomed by a cozy lobby with comfortable furniture and a warm fire. After we settled into our room, we went down to the bar and had some drinks with fellow visiting Bronco fans, where we also (almost) witnessed a fight between an avid female Nebraska fan and an avid male Texan fan... luckily there was not fight.

We woke up Sunday morning and had a big (yet slightly disappointing) breakfast and Tawnya and I got our faces painted with Bronco heads... then while the boys made an emergency trip to Walmart for batteries and ponchos to keep us dry from the possible rain and snow; Tawnya and I finished packing and putting on our game gear. We got our car packed and met up in the lobby to wait for the shuttle that took us to Arrowhead Stadium where the game commenced! ... As we knew they would, the Broncos stomped the Chiefs and we made it through the game without freezing to death!! My toes were a little numb but i made it through none the less. We left KC about 5 after stopping for a warm dinner and made it back into Little Rock about 11pm. It was a great trip and plans are being made for more games next season!! I'm hoping one of those games will be a Viking game!! (Fingers Crossed)

Here's to hoping everyone has a great Christmas and New Years! My mom and I will be traveling to Minnesota December 30th through January 6th, my brothers girlfriend bought tickets for us as a Christmas present to my brother and we're keeping it a surprise!! It will be the first time in about 8 years that I have seen the winters snow of MN and I am overly excited!! It will be very cold but it will be BEAUTIFUL!!! (pictures will definitely be posted later).

So Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!!

* Thats right!! Broncos won 44-13!

* The only interception the Chiefs made...

* Champ Bailey!! Number 24!!

* KC Chiefs cheerleaders!

* Go Broncos!!!

* Arrowhead Stadium... we were 15 rows from the field!

* Me and the Mister....

I'll have a blue Christmas..

* Christmas 2009 has officially kicked off in my apartment!!

B.J. and Hayden came over and we decked our halls...

* Here is my tree decked with blue/silver/purple Christmas balls, white lights, white bows, and candy canes!

* Here is my penguin advent calendar.

* Here is my early Christmas present from B.J. and my Christmas candles and cinnamon scented pine cones!!

* Here is my Snowman candy/cookie jar and my half drank hot chocolate!!Yumm.

** Also, notice the cute snowman in his sleigh at the top of my tree?? That was the misters idea and it turned out great!

I'm...

... heartbroken.

-breathless

-scared

-shocked

-hurt

-betrayed

-disrespected

-confused

-empty

-devastated

... to name a few.

I don't know how we got here, or where we're going.

You ended a 9 month relationship in an unfair 15 minutes.

You say you may just need time.

I understand.

I want to be what I know I can be... but I need you to be what I need.

I need you more than you probably know... but so does he.

He needs you more than I do... he needs what is best.

He needs love, stability, and positive influences.

He needs a chance, an opportunity to be something in this world.

He needs peace.

I want forever with the both of you.

I don't know what you want.

I deserve more respect than what you showed me last night.

I'm giving you space because you need it.

I'm giving you respect because you deserve it.

You are an amazing person and you deserve to feel that way.

You deserve someone who will put you first.

You deserve: love, honesty, compassion, encouragement, happiness, peace, respect, a stable influence for him, a sense of home, faithfulness, maturity, contentment, a future... and those things add up to more than how i am feeling.. more than what i want or need.

So i am giving you time... to do whats best for him... even if that means me not being with you.

... because I love you that much.

I need to learn....

.... to let the small things go and realize you do truly love me and you're not going to hurt me.

Why is that so difficult?

Why, exactly?

Why is it that when things happen just a bit out of plan... I seem to revert back to questioning decisions I've made.

It's not as though it's a big deal, really.

Why do I insist on having things my way?

Why must I be so selfish?

Things that I know I don't want seem to taunt me...

You tell me you "worry" about me... please don't waste your time, it's almost insulting.

Do you worry about me because now you're a "Christian" and so that makes you better?

Does it mean you lack the need to be worried about yourself?

You spew accusations from your mouth... when you have done the same things yourself...

I've seen it personally. Whats wrong with a little honesty, huh?

"Temporal deadzone where clocks are barely breathing.
yet no one cares to notice for all the yelling, all night clamor to hold it together.
I want to play--don't wait--forms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I want to run in fields, paint the kitchen, and love someone
And I can't do any of that here, can I?

First train home, I've got to get on it.


So what? You've had one too many.
So what? I'm not that much fun to be with.
So what? You've come silly hatter.
So what? I didn't want to come here, anyway."

- First Train Home/Imogen Heap

New mountains.

Oh the familiar sight of boxes, clutter, disorganization, and bare walls.

I'm moving.... again.

I'm moving to a one bedroom apartment within my complex... which brings up feelings of both liberation and stress. I have never lived alone before and while I know this will be a great stepping stone in my life, its a little stressful to be financially responsible for all of the bills.

I'm having faith in God that He will provide for me as He always has.

Maybe this was His plan all along?

I am ready for this.

Thesaurus-Rex

Well the first week of school has come and gone... and I made it through. (obviously)

I can tell this semester is going to be a long one, I don't feel that any particular class is going to be extremely difficult, but all of them seem time consuming... I need to learn better time management skills, ones that don't involve: Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, texting, watching TV, and listening to music. I'm not sure it's possible... so maybe i should just monopolize on becoming a really good multi-tasker.

Mom and I have decided to fly to MN for New Years, my dad is afraid the 15 hour drive is going to be too painful for her back and neck. (She has 5 bulging discs and is going through physical therapy right now and possibly surgery later on.) Ive spent the week looking for plane tickets and trying to get some dates stapled down. My brother and his girlfriend have bought their fist home and I'm looking forward to seeing all the work they have been doing on it!

My mister made it home safely from visiting family up north, unfortunately he came home to a wrecked truck thanks to his wonderful roommate. I hate that the nice guys always get taken advantage of, but I'm sure he will reap his rewards one day. His birthday is coming up October 1st and I'm hoping to set up a photo shoot for his little guy who will be turning 2 in the Spring, they've never had professional photos taken and I know they will regret that once he is older.

Ive learned within the past few months of my life that age is no determining factor in the process of growing up. I'm beyond disgusted and fed up with being the responsible one among a group of peers 10 years my senior, so I have decided to opt out. I don't have the patience or the time to deal with people who refuse to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions... I don't understand why I am the one who gets the 3am phone calls to go pick someone up or to clean up someones drunken mess... just because I actually have my "stuff" together and live responsibly. I don't expect anyone to fix my mistakes and I don't anticipate sympathy when the poor decisions I have made leave me disconcerted. I am no ones babysitter or mother, and I'm not playing the role of one any longer.

I am enjoying my Math for Teachers class; much to my surprise I might add, I'm getting very eager to take more education courses and begin to prepare for having my own classroom one day. I'm nervous about how I am going to work out the semantics of the rigorous coursework my 'blocks' are going to entail as well as find time to work (while taking 15-18 hours of classes) and find time for my Field Experience and eventually Internships. I have faith God will continue to provide, as He has always done...

Well speaking of class, I suppose I should get some sleep... Ive been getting things together for the roomies birthday party this weekend and on top of studying, working, and going to class I am worn out!

I hope everyone has a great week!