Waiting...

I feel like i'm waiting for something... though i'm not sure what i'm waiting for.

maybe im waiting for something to spark out of my fingertips; magical words that would make everything OK and logical... maybe i'm waiting for a tiny voice to whisper into my ear the path i should take to carve out my future, but lets be honest, I would take all the credit.

I'm reading books, listening to great music, spending time with awesome friends, enjoying summer, doing well in classes. I have a comfortable and safe home, I have clothing on my back and food in my cabinets. Im having some of the best nights in my life and yet, i'm still waiting for... more? less? something else?

I.Have.No.Clue

Maybe I need to start meditating... I would say; sell all of my materialistic chains and become a traveling gypsy... but thats not really logical.

Maybe i'm being selfish, needy, dramatic, complicated.
I have no clue about that either.

Sigh*

Well I suppose the great thing about waiting is.... that I have plenty of time to do it.

Snowplosion 2011!!

Attention: Arkansas has snow!!!

Lots of snow!!!!

As of 12:30 this afternoon we had 5 inches!

This is a rare treat for us here in central Arkansas...

Snow for us means:

- campus/schools close (sometimes before it even starts snowing)

- work closes

- everyone & their grandmother goes to Walmart and stocks up on milk,eggs, and bread

- compiling a stash of movies

-making sure you have a surplus of clean PJs available!

Sometimes it's just nice to go outside and listen to the silence of the snow... and as annoying as it may be sometimes, it's nice to be forced by such a compelling act of nature to slow down, relax, rest, and enjoy some time with friends and family.

Classes have already been canceled for tomorrow; so I plan on staying up late tonight and starting season 2 of How I Met Your Mother, sleeping in tomorrow morning, and making cinnamon buns for breakfast. That's as far as I've gotten on the plans for snow day #2... and I'm OK with that.


"Aint' no day like a snow day!"

Meet Rosey!

Name: Rosey
Age: 4
Favorite food: Indoor cat formula (Purina), I also enjoy the occasional Fancy Feast salmon meal and Pounce moist Caribbean catch cat treats but I'm watching my figure so I try to not indulge too much....

- My favorite subject to read about is Geography.. I enjoy learning about all the places that exist outside my cute little house that I share with my mommy.

I REALLY enjoy napping... especially on soft blankets mom leaves out on the couch for me.. sometimes you just gotta stretch out and catch some ZZzzzzs!!!

My favorite blanket belongs to my mommy, it was a birthday gift from one of her friends but mom usually shares it with me... she knows its my favorite =-)

Sometimes mom will take naps with me, but she can be a cover hog... but i still love her.

I really like it when mom is on the computer, sometimes i can trick her into letting me curl up and rest my head in her hand...

Here's me and mom playing on the bed.. she likes to snap pictures when I'm not looking... she's tricky like that..

If mommy doesn't give me enough attention sometimes I have to demand it... but I don't think she minds too much ;-)

At night time I like to cuddle up with mom in bed... its always nice and warm and she keeps extra blankets at the end of the bed for me.. I love her a lot... and I'm pretty sure she loves me =-)

So this really is...

... goodbye.

It seems people, like seasons, seem to rotate in and out of my life constantly.
With the holidays gone and life returning to normal, I'm left with a feeling of uncertainty that I've become familiar with. I've always had a general idea of what my purpose in life is, I've just never known whether I would be doing those things alone or with someone I love.
... I think I've realized it doesn't really matter.

Explaining to someone that despite how much you love them, you love yourself more... and in loving yourself you've realized whats best is to no longer be with that person, is heartbreaking. Dealing with the selfish feeling you're left with after that conversation is excruciating. I'm refusing to play the pity card and feel the deep grieving I so badly want to feel because I'm afraid of what it would do to my logical thinking. Never in my life have I so desperately NOT wanted to feel so sure about something.

"And I'll miss you like you're dead
And find a way to grieve you
Cause I need to try and start again
And your ghost will have to leave, Like a child would his mother
Or a lover Who has to say goodbye"