Throw me a Rope/ KT Tunstall

I want you between me and the feeling I get when I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so, above as below,
That I'm missing you every time

I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening
We followed the sun and its colours and left this world
It seems to me that I'm definitely
Hearing the best that I've heard

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

And whenever you go it's like holding my breath underwater
I have to admit that I kind of like it when I do
Oh but I've got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Whenever I'm falling you're always behind me
Come back and find me
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

I should know better than to touch the fire twice...

... I still haven't taken your pictures down, I'm not that strong yet. 

I will forever be grateful for your love. 

I will forever be thankful for your security.

I will forever miss the sense of family you gave to  me. 

With all my might I have tried to be mad, Ive tried to fill the sadness with anger... and i have failed miserably. 

There are days that I still pick up my phone to call you, every time i have news... you're still the first person i want to tell. I miss the heaviness of my heart in happiness; not in tears.  I have no resentment at this point despite the fact that everyone says i should. 

I haven't decided when the 'correct' time for me to move on is... and I haven't decided how I'm going to take it when you do. Its going to hurt.... a lot. I wish with all my might i could be bitter, apathetic, or resentful... what worries me is that i haven't even cried much, i keep waiting for it to come... and there is a fear it wont stop. 

I hate that i will forever compare people to you [us]. What scares me the most is the fear that the memories and hurt will never go away, that i will always refer back to you... and that a love that i felt for you can never be reciprocated with anyone else. 

I hate that i couldn't save it... that this wasn't something i could fix. 

I hate that this was the best decision. I hate the questions, the pictures, the words, the music, and the memories of everything that went wrong.  

I hate that were better people apart. 

Im healing slowly and slightly awkward. Its not the nights that get me.. it seems to be the mornings, the beginnings. Im working on breathing, loving, trusting, and living. 

Everything heals with time... it just may not be the same as when it started. 

Will you stay?
Stay ‘till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you’re busy, I know I’m just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me

Irvine/Kelly Clarkson

Opportunity/Pete Murray

And so it goes another lonely day
Your savin time but your miles away
Your fly was drownin in some bitter tea
For seeing lost opportunity

Find your mirror go and look inside
And see the talent you always hide
Don't go kid yourself well not today
Satisfaction's not to far away

Hold on now your exits here
It's waiting just for you
Don't pause too long
It's fading now
It's ending all too soon you'll see
Soon you'll see

Your coffee's warm but your milk is sour
Life is short but your here to flower
Dream yourself along another day
Never miss opportunity

Don't be scared of what you cannot see
Your only fear is possibility
Never wonder what the hell went wrong
Your second chance may never come along

Hold on now your exits here
It's waiting just for you
Don't pause too long
It's fading now
It's ending all too soon you'll see

Soon you'll see

New Beginnings

What do you do when you have no choice but to move forward?
When you are blindsided by news that changes your life completely.. in the matter of a 30 min conversation?
Everything that you have been working towards, everything you have been planning for... just goes out the window.

Its like the air gets knocked out of you, and for a brief second you're not sure you're really alive.

All i want to do is curl up under the covers and somehow manage to reverse time, even if it were just a day.. to maybe change something that would differ the results of the phone call.

At that moment my life was completely turned upside down. Everything i have worked for and hoped for, for the past three years is completely gone.

The world changes somehow.

I'm not sure what I would do if i didn't have wonderful friends.
They make breathing easier these days.

I carry your heart/ EE Cummings

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it
(Anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate
(For you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world
(For beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you, whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

- EE Cummings

If i were a betting woman,

i would bet that nothing in this world is as honest as silence.

Peace, Love and Joy

First of all, Merry Christmas to everyone...

In about 2 hours my holiday will officially begin. My mister is on his way to Little Rock as we speak(type)... Then its off for some last minute Christmas shopping... followed by some mad speed wrapping and off to the misters parents house.

Tomorrow: Christmas w/ the misters family... food, presents, kids, family, laughter, love....
Thursday: Christmas w/ my family in Heber, this will be the first time the mister will stay over @ my folks in the 3 years we have been together... should be interesting lol.

Here is to hoping everyone takes some time to give thanks.
Taking time to breath it all in, life at this moment is alive and i hope more than anything you are taking the time to appreciate it.

Here is to hoping everyone realizes the real meaning of this Holiday and give thanks to that as well.
Wether you are a religious person or not, please do not be so naive as to think this holiday is about presents and materialistic essence.

I do consider myself a religious person but i try everyday to make sure i do not judge those who are not, those who hold different beliefs than i do... some days i succeed and some days i do not.

Christmas means different things to different souls but to mine it is as cliche as:
Peace, Love, and Joy.

---> I find peace in being home, in eating a meal made of love. I find peace in giving back to my parents a small amount of what they have given me over the past 21 years. I find peace in knowing this is the day we celebrate our Saviors birth (even though technically i know he was not born on this day.)
---> I find love within my family and friends who care enough to take the time over this holiday to spend time with me or to even wish me a 'Merry Christmas'. I find love in the gifts my family and friends have spent their hard earned money on... an item they felt i deserved. I find love in the blessings God has blessed me with, even though i know i do not deserve any of them.
---> I find joy in the looks of my misters nephews as they open presents. I find joy in the many hugs given and received from loved ones in my life. I find joy in knowing that 'God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only begotten Son, and who so ever believes in Him shall not parish, but have eternal life.'

Here is to wishing you Peace, Love, and tons of Joy in this wonderful holiday season.
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a goodnight.